Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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