I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
