You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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