if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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