Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Pooping to opera.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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