drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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