It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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