Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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