Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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