I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
