remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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