also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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