I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
