So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
