fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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