the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
