I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
