Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
