One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is my gift to your gina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
