i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
