Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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  (601): I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works http://tfl.nu/8yse
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (515)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

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  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (7155) Bad night (753)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!

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  (301): My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW! http://tfl.nu/gdwn
  Replies (6) Good night (783) Bad night (5357)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

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  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (6953) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

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  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15815) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (5953) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"

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  (613): And then she banged "the first Italian rapper" http://tfl.nu/oswg
  Replies (7) Good night (866) Bad night (2210)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here

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  (917): Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here http://tfl.nu/lif5
  Replies (3) Good night (3053) Bad night (616)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3317) Bad night (1700)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here

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  (315): Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here http://tfl.nu/edol
  Replies (6) Good night (1922) Bad night (1743)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.

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  (+61): You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd. http://tfl.nu/nwi3
  Replies (16) Good night (4865) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.

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  (412): I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent. http://tfl.nu/3146
  Replies (20) Good night (2277) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"

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  (407): I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry" http://tfl.nu/fy98
  Replies (4) Good night (514) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?

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  (218): Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time? http://tfl.nu/ojrn
  Replies (0) Good night (438) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.

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  (+44): He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up. http://tfl.nu/t0cr
  Replies (1) Good night (1621) Bad night (254)

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