Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"