He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic