Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head