Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.