So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet