..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us