I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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