I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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