Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
