Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
