when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
