but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
