you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
