i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is my gift to your gina
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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