why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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