I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
