i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
