this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
NoShamevember. You game?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
