Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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