i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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