im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
