Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
