I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
