My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
