I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
