You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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