I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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