Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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