Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
