Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
