He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
