Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize