Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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