Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
