I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
