i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
