What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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