you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
