New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Im part way to drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
