God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
