I could have mohawked her pubes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
