We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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