ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize