Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
