I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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