Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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