my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
