dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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