PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's great music for shaving your balls
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
