If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
