after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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