Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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