Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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