she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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