There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
