FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
