I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
