I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
