Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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