the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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