there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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